Review: The Force Awakens

SPOILERS THROUGHOUT

Like so many others, I have been a Star Wars fan for my entire life.   The original trilogy inspired most of my life’s ambitions for as long as I can remember.  For at least a decade of my life, I was so obsessed with Star Wars that I spent all of my free time reading the novels and comics, and pondering what may come in future movies.  Also like so many others, the Star Wars prequels have already disappointed and angered me, to a point where I feel like it “raped my childhood” over and over again until I eventually have become so violated that I lost my trust in American cinema, and I feel like I can never truly enjoy a film ever again!

But I was excited for The Force Awakens.  It looked phenomenal, with classic looking effects and characters that made me feel like a kid again.  It looked like an instant classic, and maybe it would remind me why I used to love films.   Han, Chewie, Luke and Leia are all back and all appropriate age for a whole new generation of movies.  That ego-maniac George Lucas is out of the picture and this movie looked like it was for me!  The loyal fan!  I was ready for the Star Wars I remembered.  The Star Wars that I loved.  It’s time to come together as a society and watch a movie that we all can love and all can enjoy!

The following is why I didn’t enjoy The Force Awakens.

First of all, I’ve read the books.  So so many books.  The “Star Wars Expanded Universe” series of novels and comics chronicle just about every minute of what “happens” to our favorite characters from the very moment after the Ewok party in Return of the Jedi.  When Disney bought Star Wars a couple years ago, it was announced that the entire “Expanded Universe” is now non-canon (meaning no longer the official storyline) and the new films are going to tell their own story.  This news kind of felt like a punch to the gut, but I got over it quickly because first, the novels were never that good, and second, because as I mentioned before Star Wars has already “raped my childhood” to a point where I simply didn’t care.  After seeing the trailers and getting a taste of “The Force Awakens,” I was very excited to see a new story and start fresh.  Unfortunately “The Force Awakens” is basically the same as every Star Wars novel ever.

What happens in the novels is this: Some new bad guy gathers the remnants from the Empire and creates some kind big weapon more powerful than the Death Star.  Meanwhile, Luke starts a Jedi school and Leia becomes a boring politician and has kids with Han.  That’s just in the first 3 books.  The story continues for years, as some Jedis go bad, one of Han’s kids go bad, and there are always new villains who make even new bigger Death Stars over and over again.

The Force Awakens changed things up a bit here and there.  Han and Leia didn’t have 3 kids, and the names are all mixed up, and Chewbacca is still alive, but it’s basically the same as the novels.

Ok.  Fine.  I can live with that.  I can also live with the fact that the rest of the story is practically a shot-for-shot remake of A New Hope.  Fine.  I get that too.  In fact I can’t blame them for that.  It’s boring, but it’s safe, I get it.  I even understand other aspects, like how films these days need to pander to foreign audiences.  That’s why all the characters have easily translatable one-syllable names and why the dialogue has to stay so simple.  I get all of this, and it’s all understandable and forgivable to me.

What I don’t understand is why the new characters have to be so flat and undeveloped.  The only people I cared about in The Force Awakens are Han, Chewie, Leia, and Luke (and maybe Finn).  Every other character has absolutely no character development, so I had a hard time caring about them or their stories.

Lets start with Girl-Luke (Mary-Sue).  Rey has no backstory, no motivation, and no personality.  She is thrown into the story out of blind luck and chance (the force?) and stumbles her way into being the Jedi-pilot that everyone in the world has dreamed of being their entire lives.  Why does she get to be so lucky?  It’s not fair!  She gets to be a Jedi AND pilot the Millennium Falcon?  Where does she get off?!?!  Luke Skywalker is a perfect example of a well-developed character.  In the first 5 minutes that we meet him, we learn who he is, what he wants in life, what he does for work, where he goes to waste time with his friends, and most of all, we learn that he is a good and likeable person.  Rey is a girl who was orphaned and she’s apparently a good pilot and a scavenger of some kind, who is strong with the force and um… she likes to… um… and uh… she’s cute.  We know nothing about her.  I understand that we might learn more about her in future movies, but that doesn’t make me like her in this one.  Not to mention that she’s most likely related to everyone.   I’m really looking forward to the pivotal “Rey I am your father,” scene in the next movie.  I wonder if she’ll reply with, “Well no duh!”

How about that Not-Darth-Vader/Not-Jacen-Solo?  Kylo Ren is Han and Leia’s whiney brat of a dumbass kid who idolizes Darth Vader.  As you know Darth Vader was an evil cyborg who rose in the ranks of the Empire simply because he was strong with the force.  He went on to accomplish nothing, and failed time after time as he was responsible for the destruction of 2 Death Stars, and never even managed to kill his arch-enemy or a single one of his wayward friends.  So you can see why Kylo Ren would want to follow in those footsteps.  I know, I know, he was seduced to the dark side by Snoke and the First Order.  Sure.  That makes sense because Kylo Ren has always been such a bad kid.  I mean I’m guessing he was a bad kid, because we never know anything about his character because he’s COMPLETELY undeveloped!

Speaking of Not-Palpatine.  Supreme Leader Snoke.  What the hell?  So I’m supposed to believe there is some ancient dark side master CGI mummy guy that is rebuilding the Empire and he just happened to be absent from the last 6 movies? 

What about Girl-Yoda?  You know the 1000 year old friend-to-the-force who works in the “Not-Mos-Eisley-Cantina,” who possesses the lightsaber Luke lost in Empire, and has known Han Solo for years but nobody ever mentioned before in 6 movies.

How about Not-R2D2?  BB-8 is such an interesting droid.  He’s from the planet… um… and he likes to uh… well he’s a ball… and an awesome Christmas gift!

What about Not-Wedge?  Poe!  The pilot!  He was cool, right?  I wish I knew more about him.  Like who that guy was that gave him that map, or how did he get his droid, or if he likes peanut butter or ANYTHING!

Finn actually has a backstory.  He’s a soldier trained since birth, who cowardly deserts his troop at the first sight of blood… and he likes white chicks.  He basically carries the movie.  Which makes sense because he has absolutely no plan or idea what he’s doing.

There are so many great things in The Force Awakens.  So many that I’m not going to list them all here.  (We all know it looked great, it hit all the right nostalgia buttons, and it was much better than the prequels).

There are so many ridiculous things in The Force Awakens as well.  So many that I’m not going to list them all here either.  (We all know it’s stupid that they just stumble on the Millennium Falcon the same day Han Solo is looking for it, the same day pirates are looking for him because something about smuggling those dumb looking squid monsters, the same day the giant planet gun thing blows up six planets that no one cares about, the same day Rey finds a lightsaber, and the same day Han an Leia reunite, and it never shows anyone ever going to the bathroom).

In the end all that matters are the characters, and the only character that matters in The Force Awakens is Han Solo.  I think that all anyone will remember about this movie in 10 years is that it’s the "one where Han Solo dies."  This was Han’s movie, and I am thankful and so happy that I got to see him and Chewie fly the Millennium Falcon one more time.   I’m glad that he had a family with Leia and they had some good times, and that he lived well into his seventies looking that good.  Han deserved all that.  His final scene may have been wooden and a bit predictable, but it was also heroic and satisfying.   This is what happens when a character is well developed.  You root for him, you cheer for him, you almost consider him a friend.  Han Solo was a hero, a charmer, and a good dude until his dying breath, and will go down in history as one of the greatest characters of all time.  Not like that bumbling crystal-skull-hunting loser Indiana Jones.

The past few weeks have been so exciting for me.  For the first time since I can remember, I was actually looking forward to seeing a movie sequel.  I re-watched the original trilogy, I re-watched the terrible prequels (with Rifftrax), and I was so ready to love Star Wars again.  Instead I’m disappointed…  But not “prequel disappointed.” My childhood doesn’t feel “raped.”  But I do feel “Star Wars-novels-are-no-longer-canon disappointed.” Meaning that I’m back to not caring.  I’ll watch the future Star Wars movies.  I’ll watch the future Star Wars spin-off movies as well.  But I’m done being excited.